Forward

I look back
the moon waves farewell
dragging yesterday in its wake

I look up
the stars are fading
leaving me standing

here

now

with no where to go

más que adelante
except forward

what more can I ask for...

Climbing Steps Up then Down

I’ve rounded a very big corner in my life. For one thing I am learning to deal with unemployment for the first time in many years. Y si, and yes, it is unemployment not retirement. I probably should have rushed back into the work force, and, initially, I was a little manic about emailing my resume, however, companies were not (and ARE NOT) hiring. Also, there were family and home issues to deal with that took up the majority of my time, and I was kept as busy or busier than if I had still been working. However, when these issues were taken care of and laid to rest, when I was ready to just pass through my life instead of living it, I ran into someone that had been forgotten.

Me.

I’m sure if you look at my blog you’ll see I’ve thought about me before, and only a year has passed since I was gone from the blogosphere. But it was a year that I was gone from my life, and that is an eternity. A year that I put myself aside--my needs, my wants, my happiness. I ran into a set of stairs, every step a problem, every step leading me away from everything I wanted for myself, and when everything was taken care of the vertigo kept me from climbing back down. I hunkered down on those steps ready to wait it out.

Perhaps, I would have. There is a good chance that I might not have come back, until I could not resist finding out what happened to one special demon. Sounds strange, yes? Pero te lo digo, but I tell you it’s true. This demon is not evil, and she was brought into this world and left in limbo. A demon I had started writing about, and left in the midst of chaos. I knew exactly where I left her, and it wasn’t fair. There was nothing for it, but to ignore the dishes, the cleaning, one afternoon, and go and see how I could help.

Tea in hand, I settled in front of my computer, and got lost in another world. Hours later, my tea cold and untouched, I knew I needed to finish this story. Then, when the end of this demon's story was told, I found myself wanting more. I found the need to touch my paintbrushes again, to create, to let my heart sing with pencil lines, and paint. I found I was ready to take on my blog, because I wanted to be heard and not forgotten. I was ready to take those steps back to where I had left friends, my business, and, most importantly, my voice.

I began creating art, and with a flutter in my heart attended my first craft fair. Business wise, was it a roaring success? Monetarily speaking I did not do incredibly well. But the art on the table was mine, the pieces that did sell, that went home with happy owners, were made with my hands from my heart.

I began carrying my camera again wherever I went. I saw colors the way I use to, dancing, calling out to me, daring me to capture them. I did.

I began feeling the need to dance my fingers across the keyboard, and though blogging again started out a little wobbly with images, and finally some poetry, they are itching to keep going. Quiero sigir, I want to keep going.

It is good to be back.

Wannabe

i always wanted to be free
but
i always felt trapped

i always wanted to be pretty
but
i never shined like the rest

i always wanted to fit in
but
i always stood out

i always wanted to be happy
but
i couldn't until i accepted

freedom comes with letting go

beauty comes from believing in me

and standing out only reminds me that i am unique, that i am myself, and that is enough

Keeping Silent/Letting Go

Keeping silent

Shadow on stone
No tears
No hurt
No pain
Nothing

In wanting to hide
I am lost
In wanting to pretend
I am losing everything

Losing my heart
Losing my way
Losing sight
Fading
Gone






Shadow on a tree
Branches reaching out
No judgment
No recriminations
No nightmares
Nothing

In letting go of this world
I found respite
Looking for the end
I am finding a beginning

Finding peace
Finding salvation
Finding myself
Breathing
Alive

It's A Brand New Day

Song: Brand New Day by Joshua Radin
First attempt at a video: Me

Shadow Self

Camouflaged